The Joke

This happened back in 1994… After hearing a coworker tell a joke that I thought was clever, I decided to try and pull it on Delana, my girlfriend at that time. I called her and said "You won't believe what happened to me on the way to work today"... the conversation went something like this:

"This morning I stopped at the Shell station to get some gas and while I was in line to pay I saw someone that I thought I recognized from high school; after talking to him for a few minutes I realized that I was mistaken and I never met this person before, but trying to be polite, I found it awkward trying to end the conversation without looking like a dork. As I was leaving this guy starts asking and then practically begging me for a ride "just up the street". Before I realized it, I had agreed and me, this guy and his duffel bag start walking towards my car."

(At this point, Delana begins to show genuine concern and she can't believe that I made such a poor decision.)

I continue: "As we are driving I am realizing that my definition of "just up the street" is not the same as his. I tried to ask exactly how far it was that he needed to go and he started acting weird. He stopped talking entirely and things got completely quiet. Trying to kill the silence I finally ask "So, what ya got in the bag?"

"None of your fucking business" he says.

"Well, it's my car and I need to know if you have any weapons or drugs or whatever" I say.

Again, more awkward silence. Then he starts to slowly put his hand inside the bag.

"Hey... you need to tell me what is in this bag!" I say.

"I told you... none of your fucking business..." he says, but at least he pulls his hand out.

After a short time, he again starts to slowly reach in his bag. "Look man... you need to tell me what is in the bag - it is my business because this is my car!"

"It’s none of your FUCKING business... just keep driving!"

I realize that I need to get this guy out of my car immediately; I already bought gas so I know he won't fall for that; the only idea that I can think of is to pretend as though I left my wallet back at the gas station. After a fast drive back, I ask if he will at least go inside and get my wallet. As soon as I see him walk in the gas station I floor the accelerator! Not only did I get rid of the weirdo, but I still have his bag!

Excitedly, Delana says: "Oh my god! Did you open it? What was in his bag?"

Triumphantly, I reply: "None of your FUCKING business!!!"

A second goes by and all I hear is silence. "Delana? Get it? None of your fucking business? It's a joke... Hello?"

Then I hear the dial-tone. For the next 2 hours I keep trying to call her back but she took the phone off the hook. Needless to say, our relationship began to go downhill after this.